Recently, I put up this photo on Facebook and had more likes than any other photo I had put up before. What this showed me was that the majority of people are either at this place now or have been at one time or another...
The place where we feel like we have disappointed God.
I have been at this place and am currently at this place.
I haven't traveled the world, setting up orphanages, proclaiming His name ( I haven't even been on a missions trip outside the US). I haven't given everything I own away, fully confident He will meet my every need.
The truth is, I complain over the blessings He has given me. I say the wrong things and fall way more times than I should be willing to admit.
Not only do I think God is disappointed in me but right now I am a little disappointed in God.
A part of me hurts every time I see a proposal on Facebook, not because I don't want the person to be happy, but that I would love to be that girl for once. I would love to be the one pursued for once…but God continues to say "wait".
Ok God, I have done this..and that…and so I think it's time for You to come through on your side..by say, giving me a husband.
Ridiculous.
God laughs and His heart breaks.
Some of you may call me a terrible Christian, a hypocrite, a fake….trust me, I have called myself all these things.
"Tell them I love them". This was what God told Joyce Meyer to preach on and she was like, "are you kidding me? they already know this"
"Tell them I love them".
If we are honest, I think we all struggle with times when we feel like we are constantly failing God and never measuring up. We can't seem to embrace grace. We are still trying to earn our salvation and God's love. What Jesus did on the cross doesn't seem to make sense in our mind because are still striving for acceptance.
Perhaps God is taking me to the place of complete emptiness to show me that He is the only ONE that will ever love me the way I long to be loved.
Why don't I let Him love me? Dissapointment.
I don't need to be a missionary for Him to call me His. I don't need to be a Christian author or speaker to finally feel accepted by Him. I don't need to be the next Nancy Alcorn for Him to tell me He is proud of me.
If all I end up to be is a business professional, that is enough. If all I am is a struggling server, that is enough. if all I am is single, that is enough. If all I am is a mom, that is enough.
Despite knowing this, I still want to prove to Him that I am worthy of His love.
Jesus's blood has made me as worthy as I will ever need to be.
All Jesus is saying is, "Amy, let me love you".
Here is the truth:
God isn't holding out from me. He can see the big picture. Just because I haven't gotten married doesn't mean it will never happen.And if for some reason I never do, there is a reason for it.
No matter how many times I want to turn my back on God, I just can't.
God isn't disappointed in me.
He sees every mistake, ever wrong thought, every wrong motive…but I am still His.
He doesn't kick me out of Heaven because I go a little off course.
He looks at me and says, "I will NEVER let you go, not matter how far you run, no matter how many times you try and fail, no matter how far away you feel you are. I will always love you...Simply because you are MINE".
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