Don't You Like You?

I’ve spent the majority of my life wanting to be everyone but me.

Comparison and jealousy have entangled me in their webs over, and over, and over.

Envy remains to be one of my greatest struggles.

In middle school, I remember sitting all alone in a row, while the rest of my friends went in front to accept an honors award, from getting all A’s and B’s.

I sat with my head down, hands crossed, and longed to disappear.
And a very young age, I wanted to be someone different, someone smarter.

Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter do not make it easy for us comparisonists and jealousists (I realize those are not words, but if you know me well, you know I have a tendency to make up my own words.)

Everywhere we look, we see people we wish we were, and lives we wish we had.

I do it, you do it, and even if you don’t own social media, you do it.

You have pictures of your new home, and honor roll bumper stickers on your car. You tell your coworker about your trip to the beach, and you invite everyone outside to see your new car.
So maybe not these exact things, but you get the picture.

But please hear me out, I’m not saying any of these things are bad.
What I am saying is that we all do it.
We unintentionally, or possibly intentionally, show the good, and ignore the not so good.

Before you blast social media and your “friend” who just showed off her awesome engagement ring, take a look at yourself.
We all do it.
I especially do it.

A few weeks ago, I signed up for a voice lesson from a teacher on music row.

After a few warm ups, she told me that I was singing wrong.
Actually, if I can be honest, she said, “If you sing like you are, no one is going to listen to you.”
So much for the sensitivity factor.
Basically, she wanted me to continue paying her so she could make me sound like someone on music row. She wanted to make me sound like every other country singer out there.

The truth is that I do not have a country voice.

I am very well aware of this.
I have a Disney princess voice that forever will be connected to, Little Mermaid’s, Part of Your World.  

I left that voice lesson incredibly discouraged and humiliated.

That night, I wanted to have a country voice or no voice at all.
I even went as far as to get upset with God for not giving me a country voice.

“But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the One who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?””

Romans 9:21

 

After I sat around in disgust towards my voice, wondering why I thought I could sing in front of people with the voice I had, I stopped.

Somewhere, from deep within, I gathered the courage to fight back.

So, I don’t have a country voice. So, I don’t have an indie voice. So, I don’t have a perfect voice.

I have the voice that God gave me.
I have the voice that has been through hell and has overcome.
I have the voice that has cracked during performances, and continues to shake on stage.
I have the voice that I am meant to have.

On Sunday night, I didn’t try to sing like anyone else, except me.

And a beautiful thing happened.

As I was returning to my seat after my performance, a random person took the time to tell me what a pretty voice I had.

And before you start to do the eye roll, thinking it’s a humblebrag…listen, or for this matter, read.

This is a reminder that you don’t need to try and be like someone else.

This is a reminder that you do not need to change.
This is reminder that you do not need to try so hard.

You don’t need to look the model on tv, or the guy at the gym.

You don’t need to be as smart as your peers.
You don’t need to be like your sister, best friend, or mother, even if your mother is perfect.

You don’t need to change.

The world is desperate for you to follow your own, unique path.
The world needs you to step up and have the courage to just be you.
The world needs for you to accept your flaws, and embrace your talents.

And if for some reason, you were left by yourself on a row, watching everyone else accept an award that you didn’t receive, I can promise you this, you will turn out quite alright ;)

 “Take your make up off, let your hair down. Take a breath, look into the mirror at yourself. Don’t you like you? Cause I like you”

-Colbie Caillat