Monsters in the Closet

I never had nightmares as a child.

I wasn’t scared of the monsters in my closet, or alligators under my bed.
I wasn’t scared of anything.

Then I moved to Nashville…

And the nightmares started.

A funny thing is that these nightmares started shortly after I started singing out in public again.

Two years ago, a complete stranger saw hidden potential in me, encouraging me to take a step out of my comfort zone, and onto the stage.

Singing on stage, meant overcoming insecurities that had held me hostage for over 16 years.
Singing on stage, meant breaking free from the fear of criticism, and comparison.
Singing meant healing.

My dad told my mom, a long time ago, “I know Amy will be free when she is singing again.”

I have been held down by fear for the majority of my life.

From bulimia, to people pleasing.
From perfectionism, to comparison.

But that all changed when this stranger, turned biggest fan, kept pushing me.

With every note, I am gaining a new found confidence.
With every note, the enemy is a little less in control.
Consequently, with every note, the enemy fights stronger.
The enemy fights stronger, because he knows the threat my freedom brings.

Perhaps it is just coincidence, but I think the nightmares are an effort of the one who hates me, to keep me locked inside the hell I was living.

I think the one who hates me, would love nothing more than me to stop music, stop singing, and stop stepping on stage.
I think the one who hates me, wants nothing more for me to continue being afraid.
I think the one who hates me, knows what a threat I will be, and already am, for helping others break free of their fear.

Someone once told me that the enemy is like a toothless dog. His bark is loud, fierce, and scary, but when push comes to shove, he is worthless.

There is One, Who is stronger, bigger, and greater, helping me overcome.

My friend sent me a picture from a performance I did the other night. I saw the little girl in me, who once loved singing Disney songs in front of people. I saw the little girl in me, who didn’t care about her weight and size. I saw the little girl in me, who could care less about her awkward knees. I saw the little girl in me, who didn’t long to be perfect. I saw the little girl in me, loving life, and loving herself.

If nightmares mean I am doing something right, then let them continue.

We have all heard the quote, “Everything you want lies on the other side of fear,” countless times.

But oh, how it is so true.

Maybe like me, it will take you a lot of little steps to break free of your fear.

Maybe like me, you will put one toe in the water first, before you jump in.
What matters is that you start.

Your freedom isn’t just for you, it’s for others, some you don’t even know, and will never meet.

Your freedom can help others break free.
Your freedom can help others find hope, and healing.

Come nightmares, come panic attacks, come sleepless nights, come tears, whatever you do, do not stay hidden.

Do not stay locked inside a cell that you were never meant to be in.

Perhaps this is a motivational message just for me, a reminder to keep being brave, a reminder to keep going…

or maybe, it is for someone else, someone who needs to take a step of courage.

 “Everything you want is on the other side of fear” Jack Canfield