I told my family I only had two tattoos..I lied.
Proverbs 3:28 has been tattooed on my heart for many years and continuously reminds me to always be willing to step out in faith (ok, so not the same thing…I know:))
Somewhere in life, I lost my confidence. The shadows and background became the place where I felt most comfortable. I lived my life in the shadows but longed for the sunlight.
I lost confidence in "who I was" because I didn't think "who I was" was good enough. I didn't think I was smart and athletic enough for my parents. I didn't think I was pretty enough for my friends. I didn't think I was talented enough for music. I didn't think I was Christian enough for God.
I remember giving up everything because I was told that I was "average". This was the worst thing I could have heard. If I couldn't be "amazing" I resorted to being "nothing".
When we put our confidence in our looks, our job, our financial situation, our degrees, our relationship status, our number of Facebook friends, our number of twitter followers, the number of hits we have on the radio,our waist size, our home, our kids and how well they have turned out, the car we drive..the list could go on and on, we lose sight of the person who we were created to be. All that stuff is fine, but when we put our confidence in that, we will never measure up.
I hid in the background because I had my confidence in all the wrong places.
Only God could find me in the shadows and start pushing me (I kept my heels down for the majority of the push) back into the sunlight.
He doesn't want His children in the shadows. We were created to be a light to the world. We can't lead others to Him if we continue hiding.
I began to realize who I was in Him, that I am a child of God, a sister to Christ and who I am will always be enough.
I am at the point in life now where I don't have my heels down when He calls me to step out anymore. Yes, there is the instant "ehhh, I'm not sure I can handle this" moment, but I realize now that it's not about me anymore, it's only about Him. If He calls me to it, He will help me through it.
4 years ago I would have laughed thinking I would ever be a part of a tv show. Cameras make me faint and the thought of seeing myself on camera would make me run the other way. But we all know that God has the last laugh.
This week we have started taping the first four episodes of EverythingBeautifulTV. Who cares if I am not a size 2 on tv? Who cares if I have a break out occasionally? Who cares if my hair is frizzy and looks like Baby from Dirty Dancing? Honestly, WHO CARES?
The only thing I need to do is be me, a redeemed sinner, fully known and deeply loved by God.
All the confidence I need to stand in front of the camera, stand in front of a group of people, stand in front of someone to take their food or dink order or even maybe eventually to stand on stage is only found in Him. All the confidence I'll need to be a wife and to be a mother (whenever that day comes) is in Him
Everyday I acknowledge the fact that I am desperate for Him to take over. I can't do anything apart from Him. There are times when the background is so much more appealing, but that is not where God calls you or I to be. You have everything you need to step out.
"So hold your head up high, it's your time to shine. From the inside out it shows, you're worth more than Gold" Britt Nicole-Gold
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