Running into a guy or girl you used to date is never fun.
Running into a guy or girl you used to date with their new girlfriend/boyfriend is also never fun.
I was returning some things at H & M this past weekend when all of a sudden I see a guy I used to date walking towards me with his new girlfriend.
I thought I could try and secretly slide over to the other line, but being that there were only two open, I decided that that would have just been silly and pretty obvious.
So I keep my eyes focused straight ahead, covered my face a little more with my hair and prayed that he didn’t realize it was me.
Fail.I'm pretty sure my hair gave it away.
I have this tendency to start shaking when I get nervous. Good situations, bad situations, it doesn’t matter. Shaking leads to panic attacks, panic attacks to fainting and fainting is never a good thing.
So I say “Jesus” over and over…praying that I don’t collapse right in front of him.
I get to the front, return my items, turn around and instantly lock eyes with him.
I smile, nod my head and then bolt out of there.
As I head back to my East Nashville home, old feelings of regret and loneliness start to surface.
Why was I not good enough for him? Was I not pretty enough? Thin enough? Was my hair too blonde?
He was smart. Maybe I wasn’t smart enough for him?
Now I had two choices to make here. I could continue on with this thought process or I could immediately stop it and start speaking truth over myself and the situation.
I was beyond tempted to make the first choice because it is what I did for so many years of my life, but something more powerful in me said “No”.
Here is the truth…
The truth was he was lonely after a break up and wanted companionship.
The truth was that I was vulnerable and naïve and wanted to be in a relationship more than anything.
I wasn’t good for him and he wasn’t good for me.
There were warning flags waving all around but I chose to not look at them.
Driving back, I reminded myself of God’s faithfulness in my life. I reminded myself of my friend’s sweet message earlier that day that told me that God has such a bright plan for my life and while it seems unclear and hazy right now, He was doing a great work in me. I reminded myself that God has brought me way too far and has helped me overcome way too much to get me involved in something that isn’t part of His plan.
It has nothing to do with my looks. It has nothing to do with my IQ. It has nothing to do with my age.
It does have everything to do with God.
Rejection hurts and it’s hard. We look at ourselves and think of the “what if’s?”.
If I was prettier, he would have stayed.
If I wasn’t so deep, he would have stayed.
If I wasn’t so intense, he would have stayed.
Basically, if I wasn’t “me”, he would have stayed.
Lies. All lies.
The person who falls in love with you falls in love with all of you. In fact, one of my favorite quotes is, “your flaws are perfect for the heart that is meant to love you”.
Any person or relationship that makes you question what you should change about yourself isn’t worth it.
And later on that night, I let him off the hook and let go of the bitterness.
When someone hurts you, you can do two things....
1). Store up bitterness and anger.
2). Give it to God and let it go.
You may have every right to be upset with the person and your pain may be completely justifiable. However, the longer you hold onto the pain he or she has caused you, the deeper you pull yourself into the pit of bitterness and resentment.
And when the right person comes along, you may be so far down in the pit that you completely miss them.
If I really believe what Jeremiah 29:11 says, it doesn’t matter that he said goodbye.
And once again, I am faced with two choices…
Either I believe in God’s promises or I don’t.
It always comes down to a choice.
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