The "S" Word

I accidentally said the "S" word the other night.

I was answering one of my friends questions when I said it….

 SING.

That is a very scary word in Nashville.

You better have a demo or facebook fan page if you utter this word.

There are hundreds of thousands of music producers, studio session musicians, directors, songwriters, background singers…

Dreaming of making it one day (I still have yet to learn what “making it” really means).

So, someone asked me the other night, "Do you sing?"

I can't tell you how many times I have dodged this question.

Either I will get the instant eye roll, the "I'm going to smile but really I am over this conversation", the brush off" Oh, of course you do, because everyone here does", or the instant "you lost me at the word sing".

Thankfully, I haven't had to tell a lot of people that I do this. My singing career stopped at age 15. And the only reason I am back on stage is because Jesus told me to get back up there.

If Jesus speaks to you, you listen.

 But the other day, I took a step of faith, and told this particular person,"Yes, I do sing". And immediately after, everything in me wanted to say, "butttttttt, I'm really here for Ministry"…

This time I didn't.

I was forced to sit with my response.

I sing.

Why was this so hard to admit? Why was I denying this? Why am I afraid to let people in and know this about me? Why am I holding back?

 Because I'm afraid to fail.

 I'm afraid to put everything out on the line. I'm afraid I won't hit that note. I'm afraid I'll freeze and forget the words. I'm afraid to risk it all and end up with nothing.

And frankly, people are very critical and hurtful.

One of my favorite childhood memory is singing, The Little Mermaids, "Part of your Word", in the shower

In the shower, I felt safe.

In the shower, I wasn't trying to sound like anyone else.  
In the shower, I didn’t think people could hear me.
In the shower, I didn't' have to prove anything.

For me, Nashville has become all about proving myself.

Proving myself to my friends who are singers.
Proving myself to other songwriters.
Proving myself to people who have tried to make it in this town for over 20 years and believe that they “deserve” it more than you do because you haven’t paid your dues.
Proving myself to well, myself.

Honestly, the music city has messed up music for me.

And there is something terrible wrong with that.

It wasn't until I did an open mic last night, with only about 10 people in the audience, that I remembered my love for singing and music.

I didn't need applause.

I didn't expect a "good job".

All I asked was that Jesus would help me enjoy singing in front of people again.

And He did.

One of my friends has an absolutely beautiful voice but refuses to sing in front of people because she doesn't think it compares to the people she knows. Sadly, she is just one of many who believe this.   

What is the "S" word in your life?

 

What are you scared to admit?
What are you afraid to do?
What have you put off because you feel like you'll never compare to everyone else?
What is that clump in your throat, tear in your eye "thing" that keeps you up at night?

Maybe it's writing?

Maybe it's acting?
Maybe it's developing video games?
Maybe it's cooking? (If so, I am absolutely no help with you on this).
Maybe it's designing?
Maybe it's Med school?

I realize that no one may ever pick up a song I wrote.

I realize that I may never sing for more than 10 people.

And that's ok.

Be brave.

Take risks.

I've missed out on this for far too long.

 

And if you ask me, "Do you sing?"
I will give you a huge smile, look confidently in your eyes and say, "Yes, Yes I do."