Benny & Joon

I’ve never understood the Johnny Depp obsession, until now.

 

The other night, I watched the movie, Benny & Joon, for the first time ever.
Perhaps it was because I have been called, and even labeled myself as, “mentally ill,” that I resonated with the character of Joon.  Perhaps it was the misunderstood, yet charming character of Sam.
Whatever the case, I fell in love with the movie and Johnny Depp.

In the movie, they play the song, “Have a Little Faith in Me.”

I’m not sure what exactly came over me while watching the film, but I started crying.

Usually, my tears have to do with my desire for a relationship, especially while watching Romantic kinds.

But this time was different.

When the song finished, I felt as if God speaking to me, “Have a little faith in Me.”

At first I was caught off guard. I mean, duh, I consider myself a Christian, of course I believe in You God.

But do I really?

I remember going up front for an altar call many moons ago.

The pastor asked those who were in need of prayer to come forward.  
I went forward because I wanted to believe.

A lady next to me asked, “What do you need prayer for?”

I answered, “I want to believe.”
She then said, “Of course you do.”
But do I really?

What many don’t see, is that I struggle with faith.

I cling to 2 Timothy 2:30 that says, “If we are faithless, He remains faithful,” and in Mark 9:24, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief.”

I have moments of doubt and uncertainty.

While we have nature and His Word to show us facets of God, He remains a mystery. I rest in the fact that like an ant understands the internet, is how I understand God.

Right now, I must have a little faith in God when it comes to the music.

 

As I have mentioned before, I heard God tell me that music was part of my life nearly 5 years ago.
The interesting thing is that when God told me that, I wasn’t doing anything with music. In fact, I was hiding from music.

Fast forward to today.
I have already had one song picked up by a Nashville country singer, and  currently have three on hold, which can only be explained by God.
I think He enjoys blowing our minds.

My friend wrote me an email the other day and said, “Amy, I have been praying for the songwriting for you and God told me that you are much too eager. He wants you to trust Him.”

Ouch.

The truth is that I have been much too eager.  I’ve had a taste of my dream, and I want more.
I've failed to remember that everything that has happened with music in my life has been in God's time.
Instead of letting life happen, I’ve tried to figure out how to make it happen on my own.

Is this the song that changes everything?
Is this person going to pick up this song?
If not them, is there someone else?
Should I be talking to this person or that person?
Should I stay at my job or look for something else?
Should I go back to school for music?
Should I start a non-profit that combines ministry and music?
Should I submit my writings here or there?

Literally, my mind replays these questions over and over, over and over, and over and over.

All the while, God is telling me clearly, “You are too eager to make it happen on your own and now. Have a little faith in Me.”

Instead of wearing yourself thin, believe in Me.

Instead of trying to calculate every move, rest in Me.
Instead of living in the future, be in the now.

In the past few days, I’ve purposefully stopped trying.

When I am sitting on a patio outside, I look at everything around me. The people, the trees, the leaves, the cars passing by. 
When I am talking to someone, I have tried to listen, really listen.
I’ve stopped waking up with a list of what I need to work on, such as eat healthier, go work out and write in my journal.
Instead, I breathe in, and thank God for waking me up another day.

It’s not easy.

I crave to do, rather than just be.

Sometimes, God just wants you to believe in Him.

It’s as simple as that.

Have faith in His timing.

Have faith in His love for you.
Have faith in the fact that even when we doubt, He remains the same.
Have faith that whatever your situation, and circumstance, He is still God.

I don’t claim to know the reasons why bad things happen in this world.

But they do.
What I rest in is that while it doesn’t make sense to my human, finite mind, it does to God.

He is the internet, I am the ant.

 “Have a little faith in Me”

-God