Carving Lincoln

Over the weekend, my friends and I decided to carve pumpkins. 

Instead of doing a ghost, haunted house, or cat, I decided to do Abraham Lincoln. 

I haven't carved a pumpkin in over 23 years. Needless to say, I had forgotten how time consuming it is. 

The first thing you do, when carving a pumpkin, is clean out the inside. 

You have to stick your hand, or large spoon in, and get out all the seeds and gunk.

This can be a process. 

The second thing you have to do is outline your design.

Using a push pin,  I stabbed tiny holes in the shape of Lincoln’s face on the surface of my pumpkin. 

It took forever. 

This is also a process. 

The final step is to start carving your design.

Away at Lincoln’s face I went. ..and went…and went.

This took commitment and concentration. 

I wanted to quit shortly after I started. 

This can be a very discouraging process. 

Because I find deeper connections in everything, I thought of how carving a pumpkin is kind of like our lives. 

"Dig In"

For as long as I can remember, I have always focused on the outside. 

I’ve worked relentlessly at making the outside, “perfect.” 

The problem with, “perfect,” is that it does not exist. 

And even if you get close to the societal definition of, “perfect,” you realize you aren't any happier or satisfied. 

When I wanted to change my behavior, God had to start with my heart. 

Like a pumpkin, He had to clean, and continues to have to clean, the garbage that’s in my heart. 

He has to purge the idolatry, envy, pride, and control within. 

It hurts during this phase. My insides don’t like being torn and ripped apart. 

However, this is what is necessary for change. 

What I failed to see while carving my pumpkin, and in thinking about my own transformation, is that you can’t skim over this phase. You can't use short cuts. 

Whenever I tried to speed up my recovery process with bulimia, I ended up failing.

Instead of taking my time, and allowing God to work on my heart, I ended up sliding back right into the same patterns I had grown to hate. 

Because I rushed this phase last night, I ended up having to go back and continue cleaning out the seeds. 

You must take your time. 

Be patient, with God, and yourself. 

"Looks can be Deceiving"

After outlining Abe's face, I started connecting the dots. 

It wasn't pretty. 

Up close, Abe’s face looked like a random display of jagged lines, not forming any sort of human face. 

There were many moments I questioned if this was going to work.

 I had given up hope that my pumpkin was going to resemble any sort of Lincoln, even a hipster Lincoln.   

I often times question my life, the paths I have taken, the marks I have made. 

Why couldn’t I have gone on a straight path? 

Why did I have to take a ton of different tracks?

Can God really use my Ministry and Psychology degree, food service experience, assistant job, broadcasting work and songwriting passion for His good? 

It all looks like a series of random paths leading nowhere. 

However, this isn't the case. 

Again, Looks can be deceiving. 

"Let the Light In"

It wasn’t until I placed candle ight in my pumpkin, that I saw Lincoln. 

Without the light, it was a series of carvings, that didn't make much sense. 

With the light, it’s a masterpiece. 

Like a puzzle, I don’t understand how everything in my life will fit together. 

The good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful, it all looks random. 

But when I let God in, and allow Him to work through me, everything changes. 

The hardships and sidetracks have a purpose. 

The moments of loneliness have meaning. 

The perceived pointless jobs are vital.

When I allow Him to be the Master Carver, He makes a mansion out of my mess. 

Right now, I can't see what He is carving. 

All I know is that it hurts.

If I am being honest, I am a little irritated by how slow He is going. 

But,  He has His reasons.

Life may not make sense to you right now. 

You may be stuck in a job that you don’t like. 

You may be stuck in a city that you don’t like. 

You may be struggling to accept the cards you have been dealt with. 

I don’t know why life can’t be a straight series of dots. 

I don’t know why God continues to prune me, over and over, even when it hurts. 

What I do know, however, is that if I submit to His Will and plan for my life, He can make all the pieces fit. 

My pumpkin didn’t know that it had turned into Abraham Lincoln's face. 

We can’t always see how God is shining through us. We don't always know how God is using our messed up lives, disappointments, and trials. 

But He is. 

He is using each one of us, flaws and all,  for His story, His grand design.

He is the Storyteller and the stage is His. 

Only He can make all the pieces fit. 

“I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free”  -Michelangelo