Let's Talk About Grace

Note cards were my saving grace during college finals.  

Grabbing the largest Diet Mountain Dew I could find, I would place myself in time out, silence my phone and study.

When it comes to tests, I am frantic and obsessive. In fact, one semester I had to take prescription migraine medicine because of the stress headaches I was giving myself.

In my mind, if you study a lot before a test, you receive a good grade.   

This formula, along with my note cards, never failed me.

My saving grace through Nashville’s half marathon last year was the treadmill.

I figured out that if I put the treadmill on an incline, and placed at a certain speed, I would be ready by the time the race came.

This worked like a gem.

The treadmill didn’t fail me.

I’ve always had the personality that if you want something to happen, you make it happen.

If I wanted a good grade, I studied hard.

If I wanted to run a half marathon, I trained hard.

This “do it yourself”, mindset works perfectly, except when it comes to grace.

Grace does not make sense to me.

I don’t understand life that doesn’t have strings attached.

But, that is GRACE.

Undeserved. Unearned. Unbelievable. Unremarkable.

I have been in Nashville 2 ½ years.

 I didn’t move to the city to pursue music,but rather, ministry.

God set up a connection at a Walmart in Gallatin, TN., which changed the course of my life.

I had forgotten about music, but God didn’t forget about me.

When I got the call that my song was cut by an up and coming country artist Monday night, I was shocked to say the least.

Like many people, I have had a lot more disappointment than acceptances in life.

I haven’t always been on the winning end.

I’ve gotten fairly comfortable with things not working out.

After the happy tears, I asked God, “Why? Why me? I don’t deserve this. There are so many talented writers in this town, why me? Do you remember when I stole money from my grandpa to buy food to feed my addiction? Do you remember when I crashed a car because of bulimia? Do you remember the times I lied to my mom and yelled at my dad? Do you remember?”

My past loves to remind my present how I am undeserving.

Here I was, having a dream happen right before my eyes, and a part of me was sad.

 I was sad for the people who don’t get cuts. I was sad for the people who never have a dream fulfilled. I was sad because I didn’t think I was worthy enough.

It wasn’t until I was talking with a friend on the phone last night that it hit me.

No, I don’t deserve this, but, I am worthy.

It doesn’t matter if I have been in Nashville twenty years or two years, I am talented.

It doesn’t matter if I came here for ministry or music, God will be glorified in both.

And I was instantly reminded of a passage Matthew 20: 1-6:

 “A landowner went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard. After agreeing with the workers for the standard wage, he sent them into his vineyard.  When it was about nine o’clock in the morning, he went out again and saw others standing around in the market place without work. He said to them, “You go into the vineyard too and I will give you whatever is right.”  So they went. When he went out again about noon and three o’clock that afternoon, he did the same thing…

When it was evening, the owner of the vineyard said to his manager, “Call the workers and give the pay starting with the last hired until the first.” When those hired about five o’clock came, each received a full day’s pay. And when those hired first came, they thought they would receive more. But each one also received the standard wage.  When they received it, they began to complain against the landowner, saying, “These last fellows worked one hour, and you have made them equal to us”

 And the landowner replied to one of them, “Friend, I am not treating you unfairly. Didn’t you agree with me to work for the standard wage?  Take what is yours and go. I want to give this last man the same as I gave to you. Am I not permitted to do what I want with what belongs to me?”

This is Grace.

This is Crazy Grace.

We aren’t to judge and we aren’t to question.

Even when it looks unfair, it is not in our place to tell God what He should do, and how He should do it.

I can’t expect God to bless me more than the person who accepted Christ one minute ago.

I can’t expect God to allow my friend, who has been trying to have a baby for 2 years, to get pregnant over my friend, who just started trying last week.

I can’t expect God to do anything, because, I am not God.  

God doesn’t look at us and keep tallies.

God doesn’t have stars next to our names.

God doesn’t favor.

And thank goodness for that.

I deserve hell, but He freely gives me Heaven.

I deserve the pit, but He calls me forgiven.

I deserve nothing, but in Him, I have everything.

Grace will never make sense to me. It can’t be bought, won, or worked for.

Ironically, it has been the hardest thing I have had to learn to accept.

But I must accept it, because without it, I am absolutely NOTHING.

“God is good and I am always loved”

-Ann Vskomp