Stop Fighting The Wind

I thought I was getting fired on Monday.  

The day started out pretty predictable. I worked on some closing books, pulled some credit, wrote some thank you cards and filled out a submission sheet.  It was smooth sailing until I worked on the copy machine.

I should first tell you that my two enemies at work are the copy machine and the printer.  I can’t tell you how many days I have thrown a fit over these two devices.

I was helping a fellow co-worker out by making copies of client’s paychecks. All of a sudden, the copy machine started beeping and flashing red lights.

“Did I just break it?” I thought to myself.  

“There is no way! I did not do anything different than I normally do. I am not even smart enough to break a machine if I tried. But, wait. What if I did?”

I broke out in a sweat.

My mind went to the worst case scenario. 

It was my fault. They were going to have to buy a whole new copy machine because of me.  Loans would not be processed, my bosses would not get paid, and clients would not be able to purchase homes.
I ruined everything.
I left for lunch carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

I  begged, “Please God, you can take away the song from being cut, you can make them not pick me for the TV show, you can take away anything, just please let them be able to fix the copy machine.”

Desperation can make you say some pretty stupid stuff.

As I was writing all this in my journal over my break, the wind started to pick up. In fact, it was so strong that it knocked over my drink on the table outside. “Great. Not only did I break the copy machine, but now I have my drink all over my shirt.”

I was annoyed with the wind.

In the middle of writing about this no good, very bad day, I wrote, “BREATHE.”

Exactly like that.

It was as if God was telling me, “Breathe. “

I stopped writing and closed my eyes.

I did not expect what came next...

It’s as if my pen took a life of it’s own, finding it’s way to my journal, giving me a message that could only come from above: Stop Fighting The Wind.

I have a hard time dealing with life when it doesn’t go as planned. I don’t like when my schedule gets interrupted. I like when life goes from A, to B, to C. 

The irony over all this is that my life has never gone from A, to B, to C. It’s always been A to F, to C, to Z, to W, and then back to A.  

Despite this, there is something in me that craves stability and predictability.

When the copy machine broke and the wind knocked over my drink, I started to crumble.

In fact, I was so stressed by it, that I ate a whole blueberry-yogurt muffin in practically two bites.

Good thing I didn’t have a tub of frozen yogurt or whip cream.

Stop Fighting the Wind.

On a Starbucks patio, during my lunch break, God spoke to me.

Life isn’t predictable.  Things happen that throw us for a curve ball. We get unexpected expenses and unplanned emergencies. And when the wind suddenly picks up, we panic and we run to worst case scenarios.

Instead of fighting every single interruption, and every inconvenience, it was as if God was drawing me out so He could draw me in.

Life will knock you back and forth with minor and major circumstances. 
Life will make you go crazy if you try and dodge every fork in the road.

Life isn’t perfect.

Everything from Mondays and broken copy machines, to Fridays and doctor’s visits.  

Stop Fighting the Wind.

After I wrote this to myself in my journal, I counted to ten, slowly.

I felt the sun on my face and watched as my hair danced in the shadows from the wind.

 I embraced my life and the mess that it is. I embraced my life and the mess that I am.  

And when I returned to work, the copy machine was fixed, and I did not receive a red slip. 

We can’t control life but we can choose to find peace in times of chaos.

Stop Fighting the Wind.