He Still Loves You...

Recently, I put up this photo on Facebook and had more likes than any other photo I had put up before. What this showed me was that the majority of people are either at this place now or have been at one time or another...

The place where we feel like we have disappointed God. 

I have been at this place and am currently at this place.

I haven't traveled the world, setting up orphanages, proclaiming His name ( I haven't even been on a missions trip outside the US). I haven't given everything I own away, fully confident He will meet my every need. 

The truth is, I complain over the blessings He has given me. I say the wrong things and fall way more times than I should be willing to admit. 

Not only do I think God is disappointed in me but right now I am a little disappointed in God. 

A part of me hurts every time I see a proposal on Facebook, not because I don't want the person to be happy, but that I would love to be that girl for once. I would love to be the one pursued for once…but God continues to say "wait". 

Ok God, I have done this..and that…and so I think it's time for You to come through on your side..by say, giving me a husband.

Ridiculous. 

God laughs and His heart breaks. 

Some of you may call me a terrible Christian, a hypocrite, a fake….trust me, I have called myself all these things. 

"Tell them I love them". This was what God told Joyce Meyer to preach on and she was like, "are you kidding me? they already know this"

"Tell them I love them". 

If we are honest, I think we all struggle with times when we feel like we are constantly failing God and never measuring up. We can't seem to embrace grace. We are still trying to earn our salvation and God's love. What Jesus did on the cross doesn't seem to make sense in our mind because are still striving for acceptance. 

Perhaps God is taking me to the place of complete emptiness to show me that He is the only ONE that will ever love me the way I long to be loved. 

Why don't I let Him love me? Dissapointment. 

I don't need to be a missionary for Him to call me His. I don't need to be a Christian author or speaker to finally feel accepted by Him. I don't need to be the next Nancy Alcorn for Him to tell me He is proud of me. 

If all I end up to be is a business professional, that is enough. If all I am is a struggling server, that is enough. if all I am is single, that is enough. If all I am is a mom, that is enough. 

Despite knowing this, I still want to prove to Him that I am worthy of His love.

Jesus's blood has made me as worthy as I will ever need to be. 

All Jesus is saying is, "Amy, let me love you".

Here is the truth: 

God isn't holding out from me. He can see the big picture. Just because I haven't gotten married doesn't mean it will never happen.And if for some reason I never do, there is a reason for it. 

 No matter how many times I want to turn my back on God, I just can't. 

God isn't disappointed in me. 

He sees every mistake, ever wrong thought, every wrong motive…but I am still His. 

He doesn't kick me out of Heaven because I go a little off course. 

He looks at me and says, "I will NEVER let you go, not matter how far you run, no matter how many times you try and fail, no matter how far away you feel you are. I will always love you...Simply because you are MINE".

Pizza isn't the Enemy

I remember calling my mom 4 years ago after eating pizza for the first time in a very LONG time.

You see, I thought if ate pizza, I would gain 15 pounds right off the bat. 

Pizza was the enemy and I had to do everything in my power to stay away from it. If I did give in, it meant 2 hours at the gym for the next week or getting rid of it in a not so healthy way. 

So, when I called my mom to tell her I actually had a piece of pizza, she answered me back and said, "Amy, I just prayed in my Moms in touch prayer group that you would enjoy pizza this week". 

Ok, not the most godly prayer you could pray for your child…but that prayer wasn't about the pizza. It was about freedom. It was about not being a slave to every kind of food and being ok with not being in control. 

This past week I have had pizza 4 times. 

And something crazy happened...I survived!

 I didn't gain 15 pounds and I can still fit into my pants. And you know what, I actually liked the way it tasted. But more than that, I liked not obsessing over it. I liked being free to say yes or no to a second piece. For once, I was able to be present and not fast forward to how I would get rid of my dinner. 

Maybe food is an issue with you. Maybe working out is an issue with you. Maybe being super healthy to the point it becomes a obsession is what you are going through. 

Whatever it is, if it causes you to stop enjoying life, it has become a problem. If it causes you to forget about the here and now, it has become a problem. If it causes you to miss out on social activities or hide away in your bedroom all alone, it has become an issue.  If you think a smaller waist will make you more happy, you are terribly mistaken. 

I know it feels like if you miss a work out, you won't survive the night. I know it feels like your world is spiraling out of control after you have a piece of cake. I know it feels like life will be over for you if you give in to carbohydrates….I promise you, you'll survive. 

I'm not saying to go out and eat every unhealthy thing you can get your hands on. That is not what I am saying at all. Moderation is key and eating healthy and exercising is important. 

What I am saying is that you don't have to be afraid of food. 

And if you are, don't worry…it's a process and you'll get there. 

I am still learning as I go..it doesn't happen over night. 

Honestly, I think I just got to a point where I was sick of it. I was sick of food being in control of my life. I was sick of missing out on life. 

The worst thing I could have heard before was "Wow, Amy, you look good and healthy". I wanted, "Wow, you need to eat something". 

But now, I am learning  and accepting that healthy is beautiful. 

The bravest thing I could have done 4 years ago was eat a piece of pizza. 

That sounds crazy to some of you…but to others, you know exactly what I am talking about. 

So be brave and I promise you, it will get easier...and eventually, you may just find yourself enjoying a piece of pizza.