Celebrity

Nashville:  The city where 98.8% of people come here for the chance to make music, get discovered and play for thousands of fans.

Almost everyone is a songwriter, a singer, a musician or a hipster.

Moving here has been one of the best choices I have ever made. I have met some incredible and amazing people who have left an imprint on my heart. I have met people who have challenged me to be better and to be kinder.

People pray on the sidewalk.  No one knows a stranger here. People want to help you…just “because”.

Talent is easy to find and hard to beat.

Everyone is great, but not everyone makes it.
I can’t help but wonder if for some, it’s not really the music. I can’t help but wonder if for some, it’s the idea of being a Celebrity.

Now before people start rolling their eyes and cursing my name under their breath, hear me out…

I love when people stop me and compliment my hair or my outfit that day. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I feel noticed. I feel like I matter. I feel important.

Would I love if that happened every day? Yes.
Does it? No.

I can’t help but wonder if the reason so many people want to “make” it is because a part of them just wants to be noticed.

We all have a need to be known, to matter and to make a difference in this world. I can only hope that when my time is through on this earth, people will find something nice to say about me and how I positively impacted them (that is my hope at least).

I think that this is the case with everyone. I just think I notice it more living in Nashville.

We all want to be celebrities in our own little world. But what we forget is that this world isn’t about us. God doesn’t care one bit about the word “famous”. In fact, I think He shudders at it.

I forget this. ALL THE TIME.
I am known. In fact, I was known before I was even born, so were you. He has written my name on the palm of His hand, same with yours.
I have to remind myself this truth every single day.

 The world tries to tell me I am not known until I make X amount of money, fit into X size clothes, have X amount of kids, oh and get married by X age.

Thank goodness Heaven isn’t about “X”s.

I’m not a bitter musician. In fact, I’m not a musician. I am a person who loves poems and believe that words have the power to heal more than anything else.

If you are a painter, paint.
If you are a writer, write.
If you are a singer, sing.
If you a baseball player..make it your life goal to play on the STL Cardinals ;)

Don’t give up because you don’t ever win an award. Don’t give up because you don’t “make it” whatever “make it” means.

And do it because you love doing it. Don’t do it to be known.
You are already known. Isaiah 49:16

Are You Ready to Leave your Bucket at the Well For Jesus?

There was once this girl named Jamie. Jamie desperately wanted to be and feel loved. In middle school, she was a people pleaser because she believed that being good enough would give her love. When that didn’t work, she lost a lot of weight and discovered make-up, making herself more desirable to boys. When boyfriend and a size 0 didn’t work, she thought that being more “Christian” would work. She read the Bible every day, memorized scripture and even enrolled in college for Ministry. When that didn’t work, she was left broken and shattered like a piece of glass that falls to the floor.

I am Jamie in this story and Jamie is a lot of you.

If I can be honest (and if its too honest, well, stop reading), I am worn out. I keep placing these unattainable standards on my life all for the sake of wanting to be loved. If I can just study the Bible enough, I will finally be loved by God. If I do enough for EBTV, I will be loved by God. If I can just not complain and not gossip, He will love me more.

God buzzes in …Wrong answer…False…and puts a Big “X” over my lists

The truth is, there is still a part of me that doesn’t trust Him. Sure, I can give Him my finances. I can give Him my relationships. I can give Him my plans…but, there is still a part of me that won’t let Him love me.  And the other day it hit me right in the face “The well is Deep” John 4:11

There is sadly a part of me that doesn't really believe that He can satisfy the desperate need I have for love.

More than that, do I believe I deserve His love, am I even loveable? I hate writing this. Even more, I hate admitting that there is some truth to this.

“The well is too deep”. I just don’t think you can fix my heart Jesus. I just don’t think you can really be enough for me. I am not sure how I am going to survive if I let you have every single part of my heart because what if you leave. What if I let you in and you hurt me? Even more, what if I let you in and nothing happens…nothing changes?

Memories of rejection burned a piece of my heart that has been the hardest one to patch up.
But Jesus doesn't want to patch it up, He wants to give me a completely new heart... and He can't do that until I let Him in, all of Him.

So, maybe this is where I start. Admitting to God (and myself) that I don’t think I am loveable.

Maybe, instead of trying to earn my love, I sit and I wait ,I rest and I just be.

Maybe this is just part of the process

To start, I let Jesus do what He does best, heart surgery.

The pain, the tears, the burning, the aching…it’s what He has to do in order to replace my heart of stone with a heart of hope.

One day I will be able to leave my water bucket at the well because I will finally see that whatever is inside the well, I won’t even need anymore.

One day I will be able to say 100%, not 98.5%, not even 99.9%, my God is enough for me.