Dreaming on a Tightrope

What do you do when your dreams start coming true?

Celebrate? Yes.
Cry? Yes.
Call your family? Yes.
Stand in awe? Yes.

Monday, January 12^th, felt like a dream, and I was above the clouds the whole day.
Then, on Tuesday, January 13^th, I was back to reality.

As one of the songs I wrote goes, “I didn’t want to come down.”

I wanted more...

More dreams coming true, more songs getting picked up, and more television stations asking us to perform our songs.

But, that particular day, I didn’t get more.

As I sat in bed, thinking about the flood of emotions I had had, from Monday to Tuesday, I thought of how following dreams is much like learning to walk on a tightrope.
I’m not sure where the connection came from, but it was the image that came to my mind.

I decided to look up the steps of learning how to walk on a tightrope from the trusted internet, and was blown away by how similar following dreams are to walking on thin ropes…

Step 1.  Practice walking on peg stilts to develop your balance.

Step 2.  Start with a looser rope, and experiment with different tensions to see what works best.
Step 3. Set your rope no more than 12 inches from the ground, you can always raise it higher.
Step 4. Have someone help you up on the rope.
Step 5. Look forward, not at your feet.
Step 6.  Avoid waiting for the rope to stop wobbling when you put one foot on the rope.

But what I saw, when I read this was as followed…

Step 1.  Practice.

For my dream of songwriting, I must practice singing my songs on stage, even if I fall, over, and over. I must continue writing my blogs, songs, and poems.  I can’t stop working towards my dream , even when things start to fall in line.

 Step 2.  Tension.

Tension also means stretching. I must take myself out of my comfort zones, in order to find my flow. I must be willing to experiment, and see what works for me.  Tension isn’t always fun, stretching hurts, but only through tension can we find our strength.

Step 3.  Small Beginnings.

I can’t rush the process. I can’t go from A to Z, I must take it slow and steady. This is hard for me, because I long to just, “be there” already, even though I don’t know where, “there”, is yet. I must master the small steps before I can take the giant ones.

Step 4.  Don’t Go Alone. 

This is vital.  I am fairly independent and don’t like asking for help, but it is necessary. Dreams aren’t meant for just one person, I believe God places them in each of us for the whole good. If my dream is only for me, that is a dream I do not need.

Step 5.  Look Straight Ahead.  

This is the one that resonates with me the most right now.  There are a million distractions that would love to take me away from my dream, other people, feelings of doubt, obstacles getting in the way, money, time, age, and so on.
Just like finding a spot on the back of the wall when I sing on stage, I must keep my eyes fixed on Christ, and on the One who breathed the dream in me.  

Step 6.  Start.

I am never going to feel confident enough to get on stage, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t. I will never feel like I have a good enough song, but that doesn’t mean I don’t share it with someone. I will never feel like a good enough songwriter, but that doesn’t mean that I never start a new song. The time will never be right, so start.

I don’t know what dreams you have.

Some of you have dreams of being a songwriter, others maybe a singer, a doctor, a mother, a writer, a professional baseball player, a president, only you know.

What I know, is that regret is harder to handle than going for your dreams. What I know, is that God given dreams are dreams that are worth fighting for. What I know, is that the world needs you to act on your dreams.

What do I do when my dreams start coming true?
I keep dreaming on a tightrope, not looking anywhere but ahead.

 

“What if I fall? Oh, but my darling, what if you fly?”

Eric Hanson

Don't You Like You?

I’ve spent the majority of my life wanting to be everyone but me.

Comparison and jealousy have entangled me in their webs over, and over, and over.

Envy remains to be one of my greatest struggles.

In middle school, I remember sitting all alone in a row, while the rest of my friends went in front to accept an honors award, from getting all A’s and B’s.

I sat with my head down, hands crossed, and longed to disappear.
And a very young age, I wanted to be someone different, someone smarter.

Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter do not make it easy for us comparisonists and jealousists (I realize those are not words, but if you know me well, you know I have a tendency to make up my own words.)

Everywhere we look, we see people we wish we were, and lives we wish we had.

I do it, you do it, and even if you don’t own social media, you do it.

You have pictures of your new home, and honor roll bumper stickers on your car. You tell your coworker about your trip to the beach, and you invite everyone outside to see your new car.
So maybe not these exact things, but you get the picture.

But please hear me out, I’m not saying any of these things are bad.
What I am saying is that we all do it.
We unintentionally, or possibly intentionally, show the good, and ignore the not so good.

Before you blast social media and your “friend” who just showed off her awesome engagement ring, take a look at yourself.
We all do it.
I especially do it.

A few weeks ago, I signed up for a voice lesson from a teacher on music row.

After a few warm ups, she told me that I was singing wrong.
Actually, if I can be honest, she said, “If you sing like you are, no one is going to listen to you.”
So much for the sensitivity factor.
Basically, she wanted me to continue paying her so she could make me sound like someone on music row. She wanted to make me sound like every other country singer out there.

The truth is that I do not have a country voice.

I am very well aware of this.
I have a Disney princess voice that forever will be connected to, Little Mermaid’s, Part of Your World.  

I left that voice lesson incredibly discouraged and humiliated.

That night, I wanted to have a country voice or no voice at all.
I even went as far as to get upset with God for not giving me a country voice.

“But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the One who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?””

Romans 9:21

 

After I sat around in disgust towards my voice, wondering why I thought I could sing in front of people with the voice I had, I stopped.

Somewhere, from deep within, I gathered the courage to fight back.

So, I don’t have a country voice. So, I don’t have an indie voice. So, I don’t have a perfect voice.

I have the voice that God gave me.
I have the voice that has been through hell and has overcome.
I have the voice that has cracked during performances, and continues to shake on stage.
I have the voice that I am meant to have.

On Sunday night, I didn’t try to sing like anyone else, except me.

And a beautiful thing happened.

As I was returning to my seat after my performance, a random person took the time to tell me what a pretty voice I had.

And before you start to do the eye roll, thinking it’s a humblebrag…listen, or for this matter, read.

This is a reminder that you don’t need to try and be like someone else.

This is a reminder that you do not need to change.
This is reminder that you do not need to try so hard.

You don’t need to look the model on tv, or the guy at the gym.

You don’t need to be as smart as your peers.
You don’t need to be like your sister, best friend, or mother, even if your mother is perfect.

You don’t need to change.

The world is desperate for you to follow your own, unique path.
The world needs you to step up and have the courage to just be you.
The world needs for you to accept your flaws, and embrace your talents.

And if for some reason, you were left by yourself on a row, watching everyone else accept an award that you didn’t receive, I can promise you this, you will turn out quite alright ;)

 “Take your make up off, let your hair down. Take a breath, look into the mirror at yourself. Don’t you like you? Cause I like you”

-Colbie Caillat