The Bicycle

A lot has changed since I was little…

My hair isn't red anymore.
My face isn't quite as round.  
I have more fine lines surrounding the corners of my eyes.
I don’t play outside as much (unless you consider reading on a Starbucks patio playing).
Probably the most significant change is that I am A LOT more cautious.

 As a child I was the first one on every roller-coaster and  tube ride. I wore the adults out when they would drive me on the tube, saying “faster and faster..and more bumps please”. I spent all day on the water. 

But then I got scared…and cold.

The water got colder and I began to notice that  there were logs underneath, which look incredibly scary from the surface.  My bones started hurting when I hit the water after trying to cut the slalom ski like my brother. Wake boarding also became not as fun when I tried a jump and end up smacking my face not only on the water but the board as well. And well, I learned that bull sharks were found in Lake Michigan.
This pretty much changed everything.

So, this past weekend my friend and I decided to rent bikes.

I thought this was going to be pretty simple, being that I had grown up riding bikes so it was nothing new.
To my surprise, these bikes you can rent in Nashville are nothing like the bikes that I grew up with. 
They are large and heavy and hard to control. I couldn't even get on it in the beginning because it seemed as though the bike had a mind of its own. 
The bike seemed to take me towards every bench, person, mailbox and telephone pole out there. 
While my friend was ahead, enjoying the lovely 75 sunny weather, I was behind cursing this bike under my breath.
At one point, I imagined a scene playing out in my mind in which I lost control and ran into a car next to me causing a 10 car accident.
They don’t provide helmets so that was a whole other concern. (I love my hair to look good but I will take safety over a good hair day at all times).

Eventually I made it back to Centennial Park uninjured and unharmed. 
Truthfully, I felt more accomplished returning my bike than after any half marathon I have ever completed.
It had been a battle that day and I won.

I think faith is a lot like riding a bike.

When I first became a Christian, I was so excited. I thought that it meant that life would be easy. I believed that being a Christian meant I wouldn't have to worry about health, finances, relationships and doubt. Like the idea of riding a bike on a beautiful day, it seemed fun and lovely.

Quickly after getting on the bike, I realized this was not going to be an easy ride. In fact, I was going to have to struggle with this bike for the majority of the ride. Even during the moments when I had it under control, I knew that I was also under the mercy of other cars (hopefully responsible drivers that wouldn't hit me).

Life definitely does not get easier after you confess Christ as your Lord and Savior. 
I went through multiple seasons where I couldn't find a job, even after sending out hundreds of resumes. I went through moments (and still do) of intense doubt. Family members get sick. Relationships don’t last. People aren't always nice to you.

Christ calls you to places of unfamiliarity. 
He calls you to take steps where it feels like you are walking on glass.  
Like my bike, He leads you to places in which you have no control.

One day you feel like you have everything together. In fact, you are so comfortable and content that you can ride through life with both hands off the bars.
Other days, you are grabbing on  for dear life, praying with everything in you that you don’t crash and completely fall apart.

Even now, I find myself crying myself to sleep some nights, praying to God to show me the next step.You see I graduate in a few months and still have no idea what I want to do with my life. ( I was told I have to take a break from school).

One thing I have learned is that that the journey is worth it.

The falls, the tears, the struggle, the panic attacks, the doubt, the questioning…

The joy, the laughter, the highs, dreams fulfilled, the conquering of fears, when you catch a glimpse of grace, when you realize how much you are loved…

It’s worth it.

There is a part of me that longs to take the easy road. However, that is not the road that Christ has called me to travel.

If I want to live out my faith, I am going to have to live out moments of incomprehensible fear and have to push through the feelings of intense doubt.

God knows how much I love sunsets and moons.  In fact, if you want to see me cry, show me a beautiful sunset or a full moon.

And later on, after I returned my bike and headed home, I saw the most beautiful sunset.

I felt like it was a little “thumbs up” from God telling me, “Good job today. You wanted to get off that bike, but you didn't”.

And I have a feeling that is exactly what I will hear when my time on this Earth is done and I see Him face to face.

“Well done faithful servant. You wanted to give up on faith so many times, but you didn't.”

Then, He will smile, and I will see the most beautiful sunset ever.

I want to encourage you to carry on...
Carry on through the trials...
Carry on through the highs...

Because this is just a moment in the grand scheme of life.
One day, you will be walking on water and riding through air, with absolutely no cares in the world. 

The journey is definitelty worth it. 

The Biggest Loser

 

My facebook and twitter was slammed with comments revolving around Rachel from the Biggest Loser. I never watch this show so I decided to see what all the fuss was about.

Well, I didn’t even make it to the controversy because I got caught up in what one of the trainers said early on in the show. He was talking to one of the contestants and said, “You need to choose you”.

I started thinking back to all of the times I had been chosen.

From my high school soccer team to being the narrator in our high school musical of Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat.
Then there was the time I was chosen as a prom date and then later on into a sorority.

Of all the times I was chosen, I can remember plenty of times when I was not.

There was the time in lower school when I didn’t get picked to be in the more advanced math group or the time I didn’t make the travel soccer team. There was the time I didn't get invited to my friend's birthday party. The time I wasn't picked as a prom date and later on for a job I really wanted.

I can also think of times I got to choose…

My college major.
To stay in Indiana or move away.
To stay in St. Louis or move away.  
To stay in Nashville or move away.

And yesterday, I felt a Voice telling me, “You need to choose you”.

I tend to put others before myself, a lot of times, because I am a people pleaser and an approval addict. If I can just “do enough” and make myself into the person they want me to be, everything will be ok.

If someone said “Jump” I would always ask “How High?”
And just because I am a Christian doesn’t mean I don’t struggle with this insecurity stuff...I’m still human.

Maybe it’s because Valentine’s Day is coming up…maybe it’s because I got a text from an ex the other day wanting to get together but knowing in my heart that that door was closed for many reasons…and needed to stay closed.

Or maybe it’s because God needed to give me a little reminder…

and maybe you need a reminder too.

 It’s time to choose you.

It's time to fight for yourself.

It's time to believe in yourself.

It's time to give your life the best of you (courtesy of a LeAnn Rimes song).

And if anyone around you doesn’t see that…it’s time to let them go.
 

If the God of the universe picked you before the world even began, you must be pretty freaking fabulous.

“You did not choose me, but I chose you” John 15:16