Whose Voice Are You Listening To?

"How to Make Anyone Like You"

This was the article title on the cover of a magazine my roommate got in the mail the other day. 

The part of me that is the people pleaser wanted to instantly turn to the page and see what this magic secret was. 

Thankfully, I know better now didn't give this article the time of day. 

Looking back on life, I spent far too many moments of my life trying to please people. 

In middle school, I did everything to be accepted by the popular girls because that is who I wanted to be friends with. 

In high school, I did whatever it took to be noticed by the guys. 

In college, I tried to get the best grades so my parents would accept me and love me more. 

After college, I tried to act like the "perfect" Christian so that others would think I was enough. 

Honestly, I wanted to be anyone else but me. 

I didn't think people would accept me…I was either too big,too thin, too loud, too quiet, too smart, not smart enough, too nice, too selfish..the list goes on and on. 

I let every other voice tell me who I "should" be. 

But here is the truth:

Who I am is a child of God and that is all that matters.

Who I am doesn't need approval from anyone other than Christ. 

I have bad hair days. 

I have bad clothes days. 

I doubt sometimes. 

I sometimes trust people too much. 

I make mistakes. 

I fall…I will continue to fall. 

I don't always get it right. 

I am not the perfect Christian (and never will be).

I'm not always the best friend.

I don't have it all figured out. 

 I am still learning who I am.

I have found myself getting so caught up in Facebook "likes", twitter favorites, twitter retweets, …all because I want to be liked…crazy, I know. 

Who am I trying to impress, God or man? 

It is painful for me to say that "man" has been my answer more than I would like to admit. 

So, it's ok if I only get one Facebook like for this..it's really ok if I don't get any Facebook likes for this. 

God made me and He doesn't make mistakes. He gave me the unique personality that He did. He gave me the mind that tends to want concrete answers. He gave me the heart that gets way too emotional. 

So, the challenge for me is to stop trying to be accepted and liked by all people. The challenge for me is to be ok when I am not picked first in line. The challenge for me is to be ok when others don't like what I have to say. The challenge for me is to listen to only One Voice and One Voice alone…Jesus.  

I will only become the person God wants me to become if I let every other voice fade. 

Whose voice are you listening to? 

Galatians 1:10

"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? "

Trust Without Boundaries

I didn't plan for last night's service.
Our last song of worship was Hillsong United's Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) . The pastor came out during the beginning of it and spoke about his recent Disney adventure with his son. He talked about how he finally was able to convince his son to sit in the front of the biggest rollercoaster with both hands up the whole way.  When the ride was done, he asked his son how he liked it. His son said not at all and how he didn't like feeling out of control.

Well, I felt tears start forming immediately when he started talking about the trip because I knew where it was going. 

I don't like to admit it much but I am struggling with trust right now.

I feel like God has taken me to a deeper level with Him but this requires much more trust and faith than I  ever anticipated. 

You see, things are going good in my life right now. New opportunities and movements are taking place that I've been praying for for over 12 years. Dreams lost so long ago are starting to be spoken to again. I see Gods fingertips on everything. He has opened up doors with music that I could never in a thousand years open up. 

But last night, I realized I am having a hard time.

I think I was scared to admit that. Scared to really tell Him that I have doubts. 

This is my relationship with God in the past when I think I've got a good thing going: He takes it away. 

Awesome relationship. Over. 

Awesome job. Over.

One door opens. Two doors shut. 

So….I have a hard time really accepting good things when they come along because I know how this story usually ends. 

Now, Romans 8:28 reminds me that He is working for my good and Jeremiah 29:11 tells me that He has a good future for me. So I don't doubt Him taking these appeared to be "good" things away because I know He sees the big picture. 

But last night, something broke in me and I was honest with myself and God. 

I'm not good with blind faith. I hate admitting this, but it's true. I have moments when I feel like I "get it" and other moments when I need to see to believe. I think if we are all honest we are all like this. 

I can't do anything about my future. I can't make the right doors open. I can't pray enough, sing enough and write enough to make anything happen. 

It's all in God's Hands and it always has been.

So I trust and I wait. I cry out to Him when I can't hold on any longer, knowing that He will never leave nor forsake me. 

And if it doesn't go as planned, if things don't work out like I would like, I know He has a reason for it. I may be upset for a little bit, but I know that there is a greater purpose. I will continue to believe that "He knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me and not harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future".

A Leap of Faith And A Big God

It all started in Walmart when I was doing an axe promotion deal. I was passing out coupons when a complete stranger came up to me and changed my world. 

This complete stranger saw something in me that I didn't  allow myself to see. A artist. 

 Not content with just my "ministry" answer to what I was doing in Nashville, this person continued to dig deeper..asking what I wanted to do with my life? Ok....they ask again, "What do your really want to do with your life?".."What are you hiding?"

Long story short, I told this person how I had started songwriting and how music was something I had given up on many years ago. I told them how earlier that morning, I had told God that I was done with the music thing and everything about it. I had quit before...but this time, it was for real. I couldn't write a song…I couldn't sing in front of people…I just couldn't do it anymore. 

Well, turns out this person was in the music industry and wanted to listen to some of the stuff I had written.
I left Walmart stunned and in disbelief. I remember getting in my car, placing my hands on the steering wheel and just crying. Could I really do Ministry plus Music?
I thought back to my prophecy at Mercy Ministries. I thought back to the day on the treadmill when God brought me to my knees. I went back to being a little girl, when music was all I knew.

I can honestly say I would have not even gone to the studio to play what  songs I had if it weren't my friends who pushed me and told me I HAD to do this.
I remember this stranger looking at me straight in the eyes and saying, "it's up to you. You don't get many chances like this. It's up to you".

So I went to the studio...shaking and almost in tears the whole way. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't sing in front of anyone…so how was I supposed to do this. 

But I knew I had to. I knew I had to step out in faith and see what happened.

That was one of the best decisions I ever made. That decision happened to be the day after my 30th birthday. Best birthday gift ever. 

After that meeting, I was set up with a songwriter who wanted to help me with some of my stuff that I already had. 

Fast forward to now…I have the opportunity to demo a song I wrote.

Only God. Only God. Only God.

Only God had me be at Walmart that day, the day that I told him I was quitting songwriting. Only God gave that person the instinct to talk to me. Only God gave me the courage to sing in front of someone. Only God gave me the words for the song . Only God got me through the addiction to write those words. Only God. 

You see, if I wouldn't have gone through hell for the majority of my life, I wouldn't have had the experience to write the words on paper that turned into, "Time to Shine". If I wouldn't have spent hours on the floor crying out to God in the past, I wouldn't have the words to write. If I wouldn't have had the struggle, I wouldn't have the song.

You may think its all coincidence, but I know it's all God. 

Now, the song might not make it. I am not speaking in doubt, I am being realistic. BUT…God has given me a reason to not quit the one thing I know is supposed to be part of my life. 

Even though you think your dream is done, is over and can't ever happen…God sees the big picture. God has the last say. God makes the final call. 

Now I can't say what is to come….God tends to change every direction I start walking (but I am learning to be ok with that). 

Don't ever quit on yourself. If you know you are meant to do something in your heart, do it. Take that leap of faith. Take that step and see where it goes….it may completely blow your mind.

Trust God with your dreams. Sometimes He changes them. Sometimes He helps us get back to them. 

"Trust dreams. Trust your heart, and trust your story" Neil Gaiman