I have this problem when I drive.
I constantly look behind.
Sometimes, I can get so caught up in checking the rear view mirror, making sure no one is riding too close to my tail, that I miss my exit.
If someone puts on their brakes in front of me, regardless the distance between us, I look behind to make sure no one will hit me.
Instead of 32 going on 33, I am 32 going on 82 behind the wheel.
And last night, after a first date, I realized I have this problem when it comes to relationships as well.
This is how the story seems to go with me….
Meet a nice guy.
Go on a date with a kind guy.
Start looking back at old relationships.
Lose the good guy, and any potential of a new relationship.
In my mind, I know that there is a reason the past is the past.
It's just that my heart hasn't quite caught up with my mind yet.
A little voice in my head, longs to go back.
Go back to the one's that didn't work.
Go back to the one's who didn't really want me, for me.
Go back to the one's who walked away.
This little voice comes out whenever there is a threat of moving on, of finding someone who truly cares, of letting someone in.
Just like the Israelites went around that mountain again, and again, and again, and again...
I go around this dating cycle, again, and again, and again, and again.
And until I burn the bridge, the bridge that keeps me looking back at what once was, the bridge that keeps me replaying the, "what if's?" and "why's?"...
The bridge that keeps me running from letting anyone truly in, and giving a man a chance to love me, despite my deepest and darkest flaws...
Until I burn that bridge, I am not ready.
Not ready to let someone in.
Not ready to truly let love in.
Now, just like rear view mirrors are a vitally important part for safe driving, you have to look back to move forward.
Your past can teach you.
Your past can show you what needs to change.
Your past can give you the fuel to live a different life.
But, if you get consumed with your past, eventually, you will hit a brick wall of salt (Exodus 19:26.)
Good guys and girls don't finish last.
Good guys and girls stuck in their past do.
Whatever you are hanging onto, a past relationship, a past friendship, a past mistake, a past heartache…
Let. It. Go.
Because beyond that bridge, is a life full of abundance and blessings.
Full of hope and redemption, resurrection and restoration.
Growth is painful.
Change is painful.
But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong.
-Mandy Hale
