When God Calls You Out

I got called out big time by God through today's devotional. 

"Be still, be calm. Wait before Me. Learn of Me, patience, humility, peace. When will you be absolutely unruffled whatever happens? You are slow to learn your lesson. In the rush and work and worry, the very seeking a silence must help. In bustle, so little is accomplished." God Calling-A.J.Russell

Conviction. It hurts. It is embarrassing. It is not fun. 

You see I need a job. In fact, I have needed a job since January. I'm pretty sure I have applied to 200 different places, sent my resume to everyone I know and have asked for help. I am not good at asking for help because there is still a sense of, "I can do this" mentality in me. 

Today I let my anxiety get the best of me. I looked at my bank account and immediately went into default mode. Stressed, panicked and anxious. 

So I did what any person would do...I called my mom. 

She usually offers amazing advice and somehow is able to reassure me that everything will be alright. Well, today was different. No words of encouragement, no "hang in there, somethings coming". She only listened. 

That phone call didn't go as expected.

Finally, I went to place I should have gone first, my devotional and Bible. And there it hit me, straight in the gut, straight to my heart. "You are slow to learn your lesson". 

How many times have I gone around this mountain? Believing that God won't show up and won't provide (even though every single time He does). 

Why is this lesson so hard to learn?

I hate silence, I dislike waiting and I have a hard time being still. But this is what God requires. He tells us to wait, in expectation, for Him to show up. He is our only sense of Peace in this ever-changing, crazy world.

Right now He is telling me to wait, be still and to believe in Him. These really are the worst words you can hear if you are a controlling, self sufficient, works based person. 

So I wait….and I go around this mountain one more time. 

God promises to provide. It's not He may provide, it is He WILL provide.  

I know that there will eventually be a job. Maybe not next week, maybe not even the week after, but there will be one. 

This doesn't mean I don't apply at places and continue to look for something. Maybe it means I give up my Starbucks and Target visits (ok, I know it means those things).
It means I do my part and let Him do the rest. 

God often shows up when I least expect it. It is usually the time I stop looking that He brings something along. You would think I would get the point after 29 years of this. In fact, my life reflects Philippians 4:19. He provided the money when my dog needed heart surgery. He provided Mercy Ministries when I needed help. He provided a place to live in Nashville at the last minute. He provided a church that I love. He provided friends that have changed my life. He even provided a way for me to go back to school.

Maybe this time I will finally learn my lesson. Perhaps this is the last time I will have to go around this mountain. Regardless of what happens, this truth remains: HE WILL PROVIDE.