Hit and Run

On Monday evening, I was involved in a hit and run. 

In a matter of seconds, I went from staring down the road to staring at a concrete building that we had ran into. 

Had it not been for guardian angels, a seatbelt, and a huge Ford truck, things would have been vastly different. 

I was lucky. 

So, very lucky. 

The next day, I saw a doctor, just to make sure that everything was ok.

Before she even took me back, she made me get on a scale. 

Usually, I request to turn around so I don't have to see the number. 

For some reason, I always revert back to lower school, when we had to get weighed in front of everyone at gym class. 

As a young child, this was always my worst fear. 

Before I even had a chance to turn around, she said, "115."

And just to make sure I heard, she said it again, "115."

Got it. 

And then something happened, something unexpected. 

You see, even a year ago, that number would have freaked me out. It's not a lot by any means, it's just a jump from where I have been used to being. 

After I heard the number…(insert drumroll)….I brushed it off. 

WHAT?!?!?!

Yep.

I didn't obsess. 

I didn't think negative thoughts. 

I didn't plan a diet. 

I honestly didn't think anything about it. 

Walking away from what could have been a terrible accident will do that. 

Weight doesn't seem to matter as much when you are thankful to be alive. 

I called my mom after the doctor and said, "They told me my weight, and I didn't care."

This. 

This is HUGE. 

It's so easy to brush off small victories, but you mustn't.

Whatever it is, celebrate it. 

Whether it's that you drove past McDonald's and didn't buy a coke, or went for a walk instead of watching tv, or didn't buy those $250 shoes, or went swimming even though you hate wearing a bathing suit, or you put down the bottle, or you finally forgave yourself for something you did. 

I have always been a black and white person. 

Living in the grey has always been a challenge. 

But life happens in the grey/gray. 

I'm not perfect, actually far from it, and that's ok. 

I'm not where I want to be, and that's ok. 

I get it right, but more often than not, I get it wrong, and that's ok. 

If you never celebrate the little things, you are never going to be able to celebrate the big things. 

And the other day, I was able to celebrate being ok with my weight, and being freaking alive. 

That was a good day.