When Goodbye Came Too Soon

I walked into the bathroom, stood there for a second, and walked out. 

A few minutes later, I walked into the bathroom a second time, stood there, and walked out. 

I needed a release. 

I needed an escape. 

Earlier in the day, I had found out about a dear friend's sudden passing. 

And I started to do what I used to do when I couldn't handle something. 

I tried writing a song, but nothing came. 

I tried calling my mom, but she didn't know what to say. 

I tried talking to God, but I couldn't make out the words. 

So I did what I could do, I ate. 

I met Ryin in 2008, at the Mercy Ministries home. 

She wasn't the biggest fan of me in the beginning. 

She was sarcastic, dry, more of a introvert, and I was an annoying blonde, bubbly, wide-eyed, big-haired extrovert. 

But I was dedicated to winning her friendship, and eventually, I did. 

If you could have a best friend at the Mercy house, she was mine. 

Every morning we would pretend we were anywhere but where we where, which was, Fenton, Missouri. 

We would pretend that we were having our coffee in Paris, under the Eiffel Tower, and then in California, over looking the ocean.

My favorite moments with Ryin were on our weekly Saturday morning walks.

For 45 minutes, we would talk about faith and struggles, doubts and fears. 

Ryin was like a rock, firmly planted in her beliefs, where as I, on the other hand,  was more like a leaf that gets tossed here, and tossed there. 

On one of our walks, we talked non-stop about the things we were thankful for. From salvation, to summer, to Starbucks, to sprinkles. 

When I wanted to leave the program, she told me to stay. 

When she wanted to leave the program, I told her to stay. 

After our graduation in the Spring of 2008, I lost touch with Ryin.

She moved back to Minnesota, I stayed in Missouri. 

Life happened for both of us, and distance made it harder to stay close. 

It doesn't matter to me how she passed, what matters is how her memory lives on. 

And when I walked into the bathroom for the second time, planning to do what I have done so many times before, I saw her face, and knew I couldn't go through with it. 

I owe it to Ryin to fight. 

To fight for my life.  

To fight for my dreams. 

To fight for my faith. 

Ryin left a mark on my heart, and a picture in my Bible.

The picture is of coffee, with a massive amount of whip cream (because she knew I was obsessed), and the following scripture:

"Thus says the Lord, He who created you…He who formed you..Fear not, for I have redeemed you..I have called you by your name; you are Mine. Because you are precious in My sight and honored…Even everyone who is called by My Name, whom I have formed, whom I have made" Isaiah 43: 1,4,7.

You and I both owe it to Ryin, and to many others, to fight. 

To fight for life. 

To fight for faith. 

To fight for dreams. 

To fight for futures.