From Sunset to Sunset

As I pulled into my driveway Monday evening, I heard a old, familiar voice start to rattle. 

After I turned the gas off and the radio down, I knew I was in for a battle. 

To give in?

To not give in?

Temptation tore at my innermost being, for what seemed to be forever.

And for five minutes, I refused to get out of my car. 

I placed my hands on the steering wheel, gritted my teeth, and closed my eyes.

"No, God please, No."

If you've ever dealt with any sort of addiction, you know the force that can suddenly, without warning, show up, and pull you in.  

Somedays, the force is nonexistent, and the voice is quiet. 

Other days, it seems to pound over me like a never ending hail storm. 

Lately, I've been asking myself if I am missing something...

Like, maybe it's that my faith isn't strong enough? or maybe it's that Jesus is just a little slow with me? 

Sitting in the driveway, I wanted to give in. 

So, so bad.
But I didn't. 

Rather than thanking God for getting me through the moment, I became more and more disappointed with myself.
Disappointed that I still struggle and disappointed that my faith isn't stronger.

While I was sitting in my living room later in the evening,  I looked out the window, just in time to catch the sunset. 

Instantly, I was reminded of a summer night last year. 

I remember walking to the harbor with my family, when I caught one of the most gorgeous sunsets I had seen in awhile.  I just stood there,  looking off into the lake, and feeling more at peace then I had in a long time. 

Despite all the questions I had in my mind, all the heartache I still bore, all the dreams still unfulfilled, I couldn't help but be in absolute awe of God's faithfulness.

For a sunset, I was completely at peace with the unseen. 

It was as if God was reminding me, from one sunset to the next, how He is still on my side.

Despite the mistakes I've made.  

The people I've hurt. 

The times I gave into fear. 

The times I trusted in myself, more than Him.

It was as if He was telling me, "Stop. Just stop."

That evening,  I decided to give myself a break. 

I stopped toiling and stewing over why I still struggle with temptation. 

I forgave myself for the wrongs I've done. 

I threw off the burdens I was carrying.  

For the rest of last night, I didn't try to fix myself, or my faith. 

I only rested. 

Maybe, like me,  you still struggle?

Maybe, like me, you feel like your faith is lacking? 

Maybe, like me, you don't know how to just stop, and rest? 

And maybe, just maybe, it's also time for you to  forgive yourself, take the load off your shoulders, of perfectionism, of control, of inadequacy, and of self-sufficiency.

Maybe, it's time for you to stop, rest, and just let yourself  be a child of the Almighty. 

Completely loved. 
Totally forgiven. 
Fully accepted.